“Either your customers live in Fuckville, Nowhere—those cities Obama kept mentioning during the SOTU last night where hard-working, but riddled with debt Americans rely on the fact that the Meatzza Deluxe is a stable and deliverable presence in their lives. Or they’re people who live by coda of convenience—who eat shitty pizza because there’s a 2-for-1 deal hanging around their doorknobs, or just to fill the big, bottomless void. I mean, am I wrong in thinking that shittiness rarely factors into American purchasing decisions? Budweiser tastes like carbonated water mixed with Grandma’s foot cream, but hey, run a commercial with a few wise-cracking anthropomorphic frogs and it’s the number one beer in America. Shitty is a marketable ironic badge. Have you been inside a Chili’s lately? IT IS A YEASAYER CONCERT IN THERE.”—Lauren Bans
“It definitely is. I think everybody who’s played those games has done that.”—
Brandon Stokley, on catching a pass for a TD but running across the field and shaving six seconds off the clock before crossing the goal line.
Of course, this is what everyone who knows videogame football does when they have the opportunity, going back to Tecmo. Unfortunately, nobody has tried to shave an entire quarter off the clock yet, as Bo Jackson once did. There’s still hope!
“The lesson that the Tea Party movement seems to have learned is, in effect, Don Seely’s: to respect local preferences and work selectively within the system. Rather than back a libertarian third-party candidate, the activists this time rallied behind the equivalent of Dede Scozzafava. Scott Brown at one point likened himself to a “Reagan Democrat” and is something of a moderate on abortion rights. One of Dick Armey’s associates told me in November, “We have got to show that this movement can be successful outside the South.” Now they have, and New York’s Senator Chuck Schumer, who made the mistake of describing Brown as a “far-right teabagger,” in a last-ditch fund-raising appeal on behalf of Coakley, has invited talk of a movement to depose him in November by drafting Rick Santelli’s CNBC colleague Larry Kudlow.
What remains to be seen is whether the anti-establishment bent of the Tea Partiers will drive them to disown their greatest coup in the weeks to come. Less than twenty-four hours after the victory, Glenn Beck was suggesting that Brown might be morally unfit for office. (“This one could end with a dead intern. I’m just saying.”)”—
- Joe the Plumber will be releasing an autobiography with a shadow writer
- A group of libertarians designed a game that pictures a historic midterm defeat and Obama deciding to dissolve the Constitution and combine forces with Canada and Mexico. These libertarians live in Brooklyn, FYI.
- Dick Armey is odd
- I’m still on the fence about how people should deal with Glenn Beck’s arguments, seeing as though he’s a showman, and yet many people take it seriously.
NY Times on James Patterson Inc. - Back when I first got out of college, I read a few Patterson novels and it wasn’t that bad! It’s like Dan Brown, if Dan Brown wrote 4 books a year and they were even schlockier. But it was like candy, easy snacking between more intense books. Then I read The Lake House, and it was the worst candy ever.
He has just announced a new program whereby skinny Whole Foods employees will enjoy bigger discounts at work than their fat colleagues. Nope, not making it up. BMI-based benefits, people. Can we stop shopping there now?
Okay, I was off on Mackey. WAY off. Hand me a dunce cap and I’ll go sit in a corner now.
“Halme’s public life didn’t end there, though. As Jonathan Snowden tells it: “Halme also wrote four books and had a gold single, ‘Viikinki,’ from his first and only album. And, like Finland’s version of Jesse Ventura or Antonio Inoki, Halme was elected to Parliament.”—The Brief, Curious Life of Ludvig Borga, professional wrestler