December 2010
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WatchBrian Williams on the most important story of the year: the NYT discovers Brooklyn
ARTISANAL CHEESE FOR SALE ON THE STREET
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mwahahahaahahahahaha
biteofpythias: (dials fatmanatee from an unknown number at 10:26 a.m.)
biteofpythias: Hello, can I speak to Mr. Fat Manatee please? (using his real name, but mispronouncing)
fatmanatee: umm, this is him it's Mr. Manatee (pronouncing it properly)
biteofpythias: My apologies, Mr. Manatee (pronouncing it properly)
biteofpythias: This is Jack Tinney from the claims office here at Enterprise Holdings Incorporated.
fatmanatee: hello
biteofpythias: Our typical protocol is to do a cursory exterior check of the car after a successful return, but since you filed an accident report that triggered our more thorough mechanical and structural assessment process.
fatmanatee: ok.
biteofpythias: During that check we noticed 2 structural issues stemming from your accident that will need to be addressed. First, there was some damage to the condenser on the air conditioning unit as well as to portion of the frame.
fatmanatee: ...
biteofpythias: Our process is of course to give you the option to get some external quotes of your own, but we can assure you that our own mechanical staff is usually the best way to go as we just want to get the car back on the road making us money.
fatmanatee: uh, ya, but i got the insurance.
biteofpythias: Yes, the total estimate at this point is $4,173. Unfortunately, the insurance you selected covers the air conditioner condenser, but not the frame damage, so when we subtract out the ac repair your total would only be $2,415.
fatmanatee: but i got the full coverage.
biteofpythias: I'm just sharing what I see on my screen sir, and it shows here that you waived full coverage and took the coverage that only deals with exterior damage.
fatmanatee: i asked them and they told me the full coverage. i was on my way to a funeral...
biteofpythias: i'm sorry to hear that.
fatmanatee: ...and i said just give me full coverage i'm in a hurry and i paid it.
biteofpythias: My screen capture of your document is showing that you waived full coverage with your initial, so I am just calling to start the process and to confirm payment type. Mr. Manatee, I am sorry to be the one to have to call with this bad news, This is just my job sir.
fatmanatee: is there someone i can talk to?
biteofpythias: If you feel you want to call for more information and to learn about the appeal process you can call… Sir, do you have a pen and paper?
fatmanatee: let me get a pen
fatmanatee: ok
biteofpythias: Ok, so you can call XXX.XXX.XXXX, which is our direct line to the claims director in Clayton, Missouri where our headquarters is. I’m not supposed to give the direct line, but you can get more information from them. (this is biteofpythias' cell phone number of course)
fatmanatee: ok, bye.
biteofpythias: since it's the holiday he'll probably be gone by 11 a.m. Good bye Mr. Manatee (hangs up phone at 10:34)
biteofpythias: (waits patiently by cell phone for his return call)
fatmanatee: (sends text at 10:47) "oh god you guys are the worst"
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WatchBrian Williams on the most important story of the year: the NYT discovers Brooklyn
ARTISANAL CHEESE FOR SALE ON THE STREET
God, I mean really?
I had my annual epic spill in the snow and this time it was in a suit and I had Chinese food with me and I may have ate shit on top of the Chinese food. Someone in the distance had a hearty laugh so I struggled to get up quickly and flashed a winning smile in basically every direction to let them now that I AM IN ON THE JOKE.
I went straight to the supermarket to get spicy cheez-its because I...
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“She had a megawatt smile and country gravy curves.”
– can’t get enough of u, man vs. food guy
The Reading List
Slow week again, but hey, here are some articles.
GQ on Brian and Brendan Burke - Brendan was killed in a car accident but was previously an advocate for gay athletes. His father Brian, GM of the Maple Leafs, has become an advocate in his memory.
NY Magazine on libertarianism
NY Magazine on Marty Peretz and The New Republic
NY Magazine on a kid dealing at Columbia University and doing...
“Like the spot in the Beastie Boys’ song ‘Paul Revere’, the...”
– Adam Richman, Food Network host, ladies’ man, author
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“As Jay-Z says, “ladies is pimps too”, and this girl has a...”
– From Adam Richman’s important literary work America the Edible
I love that my parents got me this book. I actually like Man vs. Food… I feel like a lot of the internet hates it, but it’s easy and fun, and he does have good taste in fatty food. I showed them the show when I...
“As Jay-Z says, “ladies is pimps too”, and this girl has a...”
– From Adam Richman’s important literary work America the Edible
I love that my parents got me this book. I actually like Man vs. Food… I feel like a lot of the internet hates it, but it’s easy and fun, and he does have good taste in fatty food. I showed them the show when I...
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WatchOh hey guys, just spending the night watch Old Jews Telling Jokes. The one after this is called “Arabs and Cookies” and I’m already horrified/delighted.
EDIT: 100% delightful!
“It was actually pretty funny. I said, pretty much, “we’re...”
– Sid is talking about his first fight. Substitute a few words, and he’s probably talking about his first time having sex.
The Reading List
Slow week again, but hey, here are some articles.
GQ on Brian and Brendan Burke - Brendan was killed in a car accident but was previously an advocate for gay athletes. His father Brian, GM of the Maple Leafs, has become an advocate in his memory.
NY Magazine on libertarianism
NY Magazine on Marty Peretz and The New Republic
NY Magazine on a kid dealing at Columbia University and doing...
icanseenewyorkcityfrommyhouse-d asked: What do you think of the Rex Ryan foot-fetish tapes?
michelle-said asked: Welcome, new follower! What brings you here?! Thanks for the follow!
/sarcastic walrus
/sarcastic walrus
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