i am the fat manatee.

But how does this affect newspaper ad sales?

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 12:36:47 -0400

But how does this affect newspaper ad sales?:

I’d like to hear less about how newspapers are losing revenue (duh) and more about this.

Reason being is that I’ve heard complaints about various ways that the internet is killing off the paper, like how they can’t sell classified anymore because of Craigslist. So what? Craigslist does the job better for everyone involved. Less revenue for advertising? Figure out an innovative way to sell.

But pickup games? Noooooooo. That stuff was cool. I don’t think you can replace that with the crazy structure of kids sports now. You lose some spontaneity and some great memories. But just as college sports have become a billion dollar business, kids sports are going for the money.

Let’s go play some stickball. Or something.

tylerriewer: Ohhhh no. My moustache made the front page. Give...

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 11:59:21 -0400

tylerriewer:

Ohhhh no. My moustache made the front page.

Give the World-Herald some credit… that’s definitely the picture I would have chosen.

Ladies and gentlemen, get yourselves out on the dance floor. ...

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 22:54:10 -0400

Ladies and gentlemen, get yourselves out on the dance floor. This is the slow jam of 1996, kids.

Maybe she was right?

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:30:32 -0400

Maybe this is a new fad, sneering at the youngins who just don’t get it. Remember when we were all complaining that Gen X and above think we’re a bunch of kids who have been babied too much, kinda proving their words right?

Now we’re tellin it straight to the Fallout Boy set, and the girl who got hit with a reblog train seems to be taking her lumps well. She’s written a couple of responses, and although I’m certainly not one to judge writing talent, I enjoyed reading them. It’s a reminder of those days when we were (or still are, or haven’t been, in the rare case) in college, trying to figure things out, making brash conclusions to whatever experiences we encountered. Some were right, some were wrong, and in many cases, it was just a case of naivety. It’s a big mess out there, no matter where you end up.

To keep it simple: she ain’t the only one. It would be worthwhile for some of you to look back and think about a time you checked out a scene and had a similar reaction. I think she’ll be alright.

These are the things Syd does during family get-togethers. ...

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:16:00 -0400

These are the things Syd does during family get-togethers. They make t-shirts! Play games! Do not drink or eat harmful foods! It actually sounds like a fun time, and a reminder of what my family reunions used to be. We used to have the Spoon Egg Race, balloon battles, whiffle ball matches, etc.

Now? The excitement comes when we find out that somebody brought limes for the Corona. Mini-pizzas as appetizers? OMG. Yes, we are a boring bunch. The topic of the familial conversations typically starts with something about the job, or in my case, my new apartment, but it won’t extend far beyond my thoughts on my brother’s engagement (which, as expected, will be uncomfortably honest from my end).

Some fun facts about this family:

- it’s my dad’s side, and he has six siblings, five of whom have kids. The “kids table”, so-to-speak, is rather large.

- two cousins have kids, and are the eldest of the big lot, so nothing unexpected.

- one cousin is rumored to live off of online poker earnings.

- if I was born a girl, my name would have been Caroline. As that did not work out (to my mother’s chagrin, perhaps), the next cousin in line was named Caroline.

Hospital Bill Charity

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 19:48:07 -0400

Hello everyone,

I was recently shown a tumblr that I hadn’t seen before, written by a woman who is currently dealing with health issues that have resulted in a large amount of unpaid health care bills. I’m looking to organize an event to help her out, but thus far, have been unable to get in touch with her.

The reason for this post is somewhat related, and has to do with families that have trouble with paying for medical expenses. Do charities exist that help these families out? Just curious, because if I’m not able to get in touch with the tumblr, I’d still like to get something going. E-mail! fatmanatee45 at gmail.

An Honest Mistake

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 19:23:49 -0400

OH GROSS, I USED A SONG BY THE BRAVERY AS A POST TITLE….

(okay, I’ll admit the guy’s voice is whiny, but I have the CD anyway)

Since losing my ability to tumbl at work, I’ve made the best out of a bad thing by occasionally viewing the fun through Chris’ filter or typing up posts on boring points. For this reason, you’ve been seeing more of the longer form posts and less of the spur-of-the-moment variety.

Unfortunately, I didn’t send my selection of posts today on accident. I think a draft copy saved itself, so hopefully, I’ll be able to revisit them on Monday. One had to do with that girl Jess, who trashed the Gessen gossip mob and got flak from here, and the other has to do with my family reunion on LI tomorrow. So when you see these posts, pretend it’s Friday again. It’ll be Monday at that point, so trust me, you’ll want to pretend.

BTW, you can probably imagine that I know where Jess was coming from, and, as it’s already been mentioned, think some people are being rough on the girl. She’s 20, and this is her first taste of new experiences. We’ve all been there, and sometimes, we came away with bitter tastes in our mouths.

Today, free drinks, tomorrow, moisturizer!

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 18:28:00 -0400

During the oddity that was SXSW, I mentioned how odd it was to see website owners with lots of investment money but little hope to make money throw lavish parties, sort of like how parents give their kids some grocery money before they go away, and the kids spend it all on The Beast.

But at the very least, they aren’t going as far as the ESPYs! The second-rate awards show offers a dazzling array of gift certificates and junk, including a Dirt Devil (for when the athletes feel like cleaning the house themselves) and Invicta watches (for when they get tired of Rolex?) Now that I see what I could be getting, I ask all of those venture capitalists to throw more money at the next Twitter thingamajig, because I’m not coming to your party until I get a Dirt Devil and free drinks.

Peeing at 500 PSI

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 17:56:15 -0400

This is something I’ve never heard of until I got out of college. For lack of a better term, some guys in the office really let it rip at the urinals, giving me the impression that Pee Hard is a game. It’s a game that I don’t win at the urinal, but at least afterwards, I don’t have urine sprayed all over my pants.

When the meerkats take over the world, the current version of Animal Planet is going to be replaced with curious studies about how humans used to forcefully pee to exert their authority.

karion: Clinging to puppyhood. Oh,the fatmanatee! If my name is...

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 23:34:10 -0400

karion:

Clinging to puppyhood. Oh,the fatmanatee!

If my name is being used to present fluffy puppies as a meme, I can live with that.

Dexter’s getting big!

(compared to when he was a wee Dex)

Gotta be honest here, I had a crush on this girl back when she...

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 21:14:33 -0400

Gotta be honest here, I had a crush on this girl back when she was Behrooz’s girlfriend on 24, but there’s no way I’d be able to spot her among the crowd in NYC. I don’t know how other people do it.

I think we're done here...

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 20:38:58 -0400

Making fun of JA got old awhile ago, with the exception of Topher’s fantastic parody. Baugher is boring, and the copycats of that are mostly dreadful. From here on out, I’m taking Aaron’s approach with this. If you don’t know his approach, don’t take the unfollow personally.

Chocolate Roulette

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 18:49:00 -0400

That’s my name for the game office drones like to play when somebody brings in those gift boxes of chocolate that has an absurd variety of flavors in the middle. I love doing this, because there’s seemingly no end to the junk that chocolatiers will throw into chocolate, as shown by my favorite oddity this year. Most of the time, I end up with some bizarre orange nougat, but this time, I went three times and all were winners!

yourdp: Gratuitous picture of yourself Wednesday. I am man, see...

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 18:45:41 -0400

yourdp:

Gratuitous picture of yourself Wednesday. I am man, see me yard work.

If you think I’m going to tumblrfail this, you are sorely mistaken. There is nothing I can do to make this picture better.

Okay, fine, I’ll do it anyway.

kenyatta: rocketboom: This master singer sings “Rainbow Road”...

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 18:36:15 -0400

kenyatta:

rocketboom:

This master singer sings “Rainbow Road” from Mario Cart.

(Thanks Silentobituary)

HOLY COW. I LOVE MARIO KART.

The long way around to nothing.

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 18:19:36 -0400

him: I am so tired
ElleBelle: What did you do last night? cocktail party?
him: Lot of magic-mouth activity; you know how it is. I should have worn knee-pads
ElleBelle: shut up...
him: Got drunk, which made me think it was a good idea to get high, which made me think it was a good idea to steal a car. I am so exhausted I can barely carry the body to the incinerator
ElleBelle: liar you were reading a book or talking to fatmanatee...dish sucka
him: I just read like a loser!
BoutOfContext [in head]: Did you two just say that talking to fatmanatee was as losery as reading a book? Ouch!

Wait, what? How did I end up involved in this?
Sidenote: I do not disagree with the insinuations. The moment I get IMs is the moment I realize someone's plans fell through!

lizistwentythree: “The Goot is on the loose.” This has replaced...

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 17:58:22 -0400

lizistwentythree:

“The Goot is on the loose.”

This has replaced “are you ready for Maggette?” as my favorite celebrity pick-up line/rhyme. And from old man Gutenberg, no less!

Baugher's back, baby

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 17:49:38 -0400

Baugher's back, baby:

cvxn:

And better than ever…

I think baugher has said enough, and should retire to other ventures. It’s just redundant, at this point.

nonexciting INSPIRES

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 08:05:45 -0400

Dear Chris,

Thanks to you, I decided to make an important lifestyle change. Rather than play Super Smash Bros. Brawl last night, I played Super Mario Galaxy! And it’s all because of you that I was able to have the confidence to eject that disc and exchange it for a new one. Now, I have a swagger to my step, not unlike when Munson made his way down to the bowling alley at the beginning of Kingpin. I even plan on stealing some guy’s pizza.

THANKS NONEXCITING!

- Kevin

NonExciting - Live Boringly. Eh.

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 22:28:05 -0400

NonExciting - Live Boringly. Eh.:

jessicagoldharalson:

TOPHERCHRIS, MAKE ME A CONTRIBUTOR!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!

This is absurd. Chris, you have not spent enough time exhausting yourself over modeling gigs. Spoofs should not be this quick!